Recently, an article circulated on social media that got the attention of some friends of mine and was quickly making noise in my inbox. The article was part of a series on diversity in the church. Much to the surprise of some, this particular article was not about race, ethnicity, or age (typical hot topics on church diversity); instead the minority group in focus were the unmarrieds of the church. Perhaps it is strange for me to say considering that I am single, but singleness is actually one of my least favorite topics to discuss. It’s kind of scary. Regardless of the audience it is hard to discuss singleness when you are “a single” for the risk of coming across as bitter or whiney or just plain ignorant of the challenges of marriage. However, I have recently been convicted about my fear on the topic and God has reminded me that we are in the circumstances we are in to bring Him glory and to minister to others. Has He not commanded? So, this one is for all the single ladies (and gentlemen); and for the marrieds who want to understand.
By any and all standards I am extraordinarily blessed - and not in a cheesy card kind of way, but in a “I really do wake up happy to get to be me” kind of way. I have a great life. I love my home and my stuff. I love how I get to spend my time and the people with whom I share it all. I am living my dream of spending my time writing and speaking about God’s Word and the love of Jesus. I am the obnoxiously proud aunt of four nephews and three nieces, and the daughter, granddaughter, sister, and friend, of those who are equally happy to call me their own. I have a church family with whom I gladly serve, and I live in a town where Starbucks and Gigi’s Cupcakes are putting up signs!
Nevertheless, I still want to be married. I want to spoil some handsome fella rotten; I want to finally put to good use the fact that my mom made me learn how to iron mens’ dress clothes; and I want to pass on these chubby cheeks and this big head to future mess makers of my own. I have no delusions that married life is easier than single life or that it will be the cure for lonely moments or heartbreak. What I do understand is that life is a series of trade offs and that there are no pluses without minuses. Being single is not the opening act of the headliner for whom everyone bought tickets. We are talking about two very different shows. The difficult thing about communication between marrieds and unmarrieds is that as soon as you go from one to the other you forget the pangs you left behind. Singleness never looks as good to the single as it does to the married and vice versa. The truth is green grass grows on both sides of that fence its just more difficult to see when you are standing on it.
I am not single because I am anti men or marriage. I strive to encourage the marrieds in my life and to be a support for them and their pursuit of holiness. I am not single because I am immature or a party girl (yes, I hear all of you who know me laughing at that one). I don’t have a room full of dolls that I call my babies and sing to at night or any other crazy stereotypes of single women. I am just single because God has seen it fitting to be that way for now. He hasn’t told me why; He never said He would. If it were my choice and if life were a television Christmas movie then I would just hire a stranger to be my date for the holidays and BAM! we would fall in love to a montage of crazy family moments; but in real life hiring strangers to be your date just lands you on the news.
Of course I am just the story of one, and certainly there are many unmarrieds for whom stereotypes were made and who kill the curve for us all; but before you sit the singles in your life at the kiddie table permanently I want you to consider the fact that his/her pursuit of godly singleness may be a struggle of obedient faith in God’s plan and a willingness to trust Him. Biblical manhood and womanhood are under extreme attack. I realize that probably sounds dramatic, but only to those who aren’t paying attention. Our culture both actively and passively seeks to feminize men and man-up women under the misuse of the word “equality”. (Equal does not mean “same”; and more than that, “equal” is not a biblical focus - but that is a blog for another day). These cultural attacks make being a godly man or godly woman increasingly difficult regardless of marital status.
Single people, your life is not on hold. Your singleness is a tool the Lord has given you. It may not last forever so may good use of it now. Your purpose does not kick in on a wedding day. Serve.
Married people, be grateful that you have a partner with whom you serve. Don’t waste it. Your marriage is a powerful tool and a great gift. Do more.
Mostly, let us compassionately and actively love one another and encourage one another as we seek to follow God’s plan to bring Himself glory and to magnify His Kingdom on earth, regardless of the shoes in which we walk.
