Grief and Crayons

I have dreamed about my mom every night for the past few weeks. I love dreaming about my mom; I am a fairly elaborate dreamer so for me my dreams are always the nearest I am to her since she went to be present with the Lord three years ago. She has been on my mind and heart even more than normal lately, for a couple of reasons. First of all, my sister, Alaina, and her husband just welcomed number two, baby boy Hagen, a few weeks ago.  Watching my sister be a mom takes me so quickly to memories of our matching day beds in a toy filled room, when words she now says to two 
year old Aubrey were first uttered by my mom; and watching Alaina hold Hagen cradled on her lap saying, "I love you so much a much a much" is like going back in time to when my older nephews were babies and my mom would rock and sing the same words while they squealed and talked back to her in a language she could actually speak.

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Second, in recent weeks I received the first printing of the published version of a children's book that Kelli Reeves and I did two years ago, originally as a gift for my nephews and niece. One night in the first weeks after my mom's death I sat sobbing on my bed alone in my apartment. On my heart this particular night was the grief of what my nephews had lost and what my niece, to be born only two months later, would never know. My mind raced through mental photographs of memories and experiences I was determined to preserve, and continue this recollection for the sake of my youngest family members and for the benefit of a world that should not be without such joy.
Tears soon turned to smiles and then into laughter as I recalled the heart of my mom and a poem came out, "Messes are What Memories Make." Later, Kelli would take photographs from my family albums and  illustrate this poem with only one instruction from me, "make it look like a child drew them." We printed this family gift and I was a little more at ease that the "we're making a memory" spirit was safe from forgetfulness. Now, years later, this same book is being shared beyond my family, and every time a book leaves my hands I see the impact of a godly mother spread a little further and a legacy of love, patience, and happiness live a little longer.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (Philippians 4:8)